Telling On Ourselves

Two weeks ago I  got back into the habit of watching Jeopardy! after years of not watching it, and I've noticed something I used to tune out - the stories people tell about themselves when Alex introduces them to the American viewing public.  What would you choose to say about yourself in this situation?  Well, I was astonished by the very personal nature of some of these colorful incidents; many of them portrayed the subject (themselves, remember) as either a victim of random unfortunate circumstances or predictably unfortunate dysfunctional family dynamics at large, formal gatherings.  A few bold contestants with better self-esteem related anecdotes about overcoming a difficult challenge or an achievement they were particularly proud of.  A few more claimed their places in Jeapardy! history by announcing their connections to past winners.

Like most people who study folklore, I am more interested in why somebody tells a story than its veracity.  These introductory tales seem to be offered as miniature portraits of the contestant's personality or abilities, which makes the unflattering or tragic ones even more curious to me.  What one story would I tell about myself to introduce myself to an audience of millions of fellow citizens and quiz fans?  I think I would have to take "Grace Under Pressure" for $1,000 Alex, and the answer would be:  What is the story about how I declined a close friend's offer to indulge in an illegal, controlled substance?